How to Foster Social Connections
I'm going to continue sharing what I've learned from the podcast of the conversation with the U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. My last blog post talked about how loneliness is one of the greatest problems that our society currently faces, and how social connection is so important in building our society because social connection is the foundation upon which everything else is built.
Small Actions Matter
We left on the note asking, "How can we get better at social connection?" Vivek mentions these four simple steps that anyone could do to move towards social connection.
He says that just a little bit of investment goes a long way because it turns out that us human beings are hardwired for social connection. This is how we've evolved. So a little goes a long way.
1. Dedicate 15 Minutes Daily to Meaningful Connection
Step one: spend 15 minutes a day connecting with somebody you care about other than the people that you actually live with. Call them, video call them, text them, etc. Yes, just 15 minutes.
We often think that the world of people who care about us is a lot smaller than it actually is. But in fact, you'd be surprised by how many people actually care about the connections with you.
It's not just about having or not having friends. It's about experiencing it. If you call anyone you lost touch with, you'll find out that they'll be more than happy to talk to you, much happier than you realize.
I think often people do not call, do not initiate, because you're a bit embarrassed about doing so. You have your ego, but you should get over your shame and sense of embarrassment and just reach out. You will actually realize that those people have also been hungry for human connection.
2. Offer the Gift of Full Attention
Step two: give people your full attention when you talk to them.
You know, these days we can so easily reach into our pocket and next thing you know, you are looking at your text and refreshing your inbox. Give somebody the gift of full attention.
3. Find Opportunities to Serve Others
Step three: find opportunities to serve others.
It could seem a bit counterintuitive because, hey, I'm here feeling lonely, don't I need someone to actually help me with that, not me helping someone else?
Well, it turns out that when we help each other, we not only forge a connection with that person, but we also reaffirm to ourselves that we have value to bring to the world.
That is very important because when we struggle with loneliness for a long period of time, it erodes our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. We begin to think that we are lonely because we're not likable. That is our fault somehow. But being of service to others cuts that circuit and helps us feel more connected to others and ourselves.
4. Rediscover the Power of Solitude
Step four: solitude.
This also seems very counterintuitive because I am already feeling lonely. Why do I need even more time alone?
Well, loneliness is not so much about how many people you have around you. It's actually about whether you feel like you belong, whether you truly know your own value and feel like you are connected to other people.
It's about the quality of your relationships with others and yourself. Solitude is actually important because it is in the moment of solitude when we allow the noise around us to settle that we can truly reflect, that we can find moments in our life to be grateful for.
But those moments of solitude have become increasingly rare these days because all of the white space in our life have been filled by our devices.
You know, people say, "I'm bored. I need to fill that space with something." But boredom is not a bad thing. It can be a generative creative process and that's when you could formulate a lot of thoughts and clear your mind and have things make sense during that creative process.
You could spend a few minutes standing on your porch, spend a few minutes in nature, whether in prayer or meditation or listening to music, whatever your form of meditation and spending time alone is.
Finding Balance in Connection and Solitude
These four steps—dedicating time to others, giving full attention, serving others, and embracing solitude—work together to nurture both our external connections and our inner lives.
Conclusion: A Path Toward Greater Connection
Loneliness is a silent epidemic, but small, intentional steps can lead to profound change. By prioritizing meaningful connections, giving others our full attention, offering acts of service, and nurturing our inner selves through solitude, we can foster a more connected, compassionate society. Let’s start today—one call, one moment, one step at a time.